TO BEE OR NOT TO BE ! MAYAWATI”S DILEMMA

By Sanjay Jha

Mayawati, the inimitable UP Chief Minister sat in her car after supervising the installation of yet another massive statue , this one to have a 24 hour supply of fresh honey from the Himalayan ranges rolling down it’s monstrous proportions as she clutched feverishly at a monumental garland and a gargantuan purse.

Her clairvoyant , cunning and constant companion,  a Brahmin confidante seemed somewhat perturbed. But WHY, Maam?

Said Mayawati with a sly grin: This will be a constant reminder to all our people, visitors, NRIs, media, future historians  of the beastly attack on me by ……..

But bees are insects , Maam, not beasts, interrupted the educated, canny Brahmin

Mayawati gave him a frozen stare that made the Brahmin appear the male version , an alter ego of  her statue.

Maam, but this bee controversy has really created a buzz.

I know , said Mayawati giving her thick mane a brush with her honey-colored  comb.

Continued the conscientious Brahmin: All TV channels have carried it. In fact, Suhel Seth termed it as a “ terrorist attack” albeit  Pakistan has expectedly denied it.

I knew the Congress would divert this to a foreign hand.  So typical, said the Chief Minister with an exasperated expression. .

Tell the DIG I want the conspiracy findings by tomorrow.

But how,  Maam , these IPS  officers were not trained in Mount Abu police academy  for this unprecedented attack?  .

Get the bees to make a confession then , said Mayawati .

But how Maam? Bees don’t talk, pleaded the Brahmin, now sounding desperate. .

Well you say this one did! She said pointing to one poor bee, a solitary captured figure fluttering soulfully in a mini-net.

Suddenly she spotted a mosquito moving surreptitiously near her nose. Call Digvijay Singh at once., she said , now appearing indignant.

Why Maam?

Because he is a fumbling, mumbling , bumble-bee, that’s why? Just do as I say, she barked.

While the Brahmin dialed, she continued her monologue: Now that I have exposed this bee attack, he is unleashing mosquitoes on me.

Suddenly another mosquito emerged from the car’s dash-board and went straight for the Brahmin’s cheeks. Mayawati slapped hard at the fellow but even while the Brahmin  shrieked in pain, the mosquito had artfully dodged the fearsome wrath of Mayawati.

As she drove past another illuminated towering statue of hers , Digvijay Singh came on the line.

I don’t dig this, Digs! said Mayawati. This is over the top nasty stuff.

It is our way of doing a sting operation,  Maam,  said Digvijay in his characteristic cool, calm and collected baritone voice. And we are both getting our sound bytes.

Call Rahul Gandhi ! Now!  shouted Mayawati as she slapped the phone down . One of the mosquitoes got crushed under it’s impact.

In sheer trepidation, the Brahmin dialed.

Rahul Ji ! You are really sweet . I mean that. Now be honest and tell me all about the bees! said Mayawati , a personification of fried honey noodles with vanilla ice cream served only in Indian Chinese restaurants .

Rahul was flabbergasted at the remarkable turnaround of the usually inimical cantankerous Behenji.

Collecting his composure rapidly, Rahul spoke with his usual earnestness: Well Mayawati Ji, the bee has a head, a thorax and an abdomen. They belong to a class called insecta…..

Last heard, a furious Mayawati had gone to meet Baba Ramdev with a huge garland.